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About Birmingham

Last week, I was prowlin’ the streets—needed a laugh, y’know? Saw this one bird, all dolled up, winking at me. Thought, “What’s her deal?” Turns out, she’s got a memory like Lenny—keeps a little book, scribbles down every punter. “Remember, remember,” she mutters, like she’s in my fave movie. Made me cackle—imagine forgetting who you’ve shagged! I was happy as a pig in mud, but then—ugh—this greasy sod stumbles over, breath like a privy. “How much, love?” he slurs. Made me wanna gag. I choose violence, mate—nearly shoved him into the gutter myself.

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Woke up late, of course. Alarm didn’t go off. Classic me, right? Rushed outta my flat on Manchester Rd, barely had time for brekkie. Just grabbed a coffee from that little café on the corner of Every St. You know the one? The barista there is a legend. Always knows my order. “One flat white, extra shot, mate!” I shout as I dash out.

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