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About London

Me fave bit? The chaos. One night you’re balls deep, next you’re blocked. Keeps ya sharp. I’d tell Jack and Ennis, “Boys, swipe right, fuck the sheep.” Ha! Sex-dating’s a game, and I play to win. “I drink and I know things”—like how to spot a dud profile. Too many filters? They’re hidin’ a face like Gregor’s. Trust yer gut, mate. Now, where’s me goblet? This tale’s got me parched.

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We hit up the park on the corner of Ashburton Road. It’s a nice spot, loads of trees and stuff. I’m thinkin’, “If I were a dog, I’d totally be here.” And guess what? We find the little fella! He’s just chillin’ under a bench, like, “What’s all the fuss about?” The owner’s over the moon, and I’m feelin’ like a hero.

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