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About Leeds

Alright, motherfucker, listen up! I’m a cashier, slingin’ change, but I got thoughts—dirty, wild ones—about sexual-massage. Shit’s intense, like strummin’ a guitar in *Inside Llewyn Davis*, tryna find that rhythm. You ever had hands kneadin’ your back, slidin’ lower, and you’re like, “Goddamn, this ain’t just a rubdown”? That’s sexual-massage, motherfucker—teasin’, promisin’, fuckin’ deliverin’ if you’re lucky!

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After that chaos, I decide to grab a bite. Head over to the local café on Broad Street. Best bacon sarnies in town, I swear. I sit down, and this old bloke starts chatting me up. He’s telling me about the time he met the Queen. I’m like, “Right, mate, sure you did.” But he’s so into it, I can’t help but laugh.

Work to restore the listed buildings in Newtown is progressing well and remains on course for completion by the Spring.