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Okay, real talk—massage with a sexy twist ain’t new. Heard this story once, ancient Rome, gladiators gettin’ oiled up, happy endings on the down-low. Sneaky buggers! Makes me laugh, picturin’ some toga guy all “Oh yeah, rub there!” D’oh! Bet they didn’t tell the emperor that one. Little known fact—Tantra stuff, from India, mixes spiritual crap with sexual-massage. Blew my mind! I was like, “Marge, we gotta try—nah, nevermind, too weird.”

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So, I’m trying to sip my coffee, but my brain’s like, “Dude, you gotta focus!” I’m a nomenclature specialist, which sounds fancy but really just means I deal with all the science job titles in Russia. Yeah, I know, weird combo, right? Anyway, I’m scrolling through emails, and I see one from my boss. “We need to update the nomenclature!” Like, can’t a guy enjoy his coffee in peace?

15:00 Kelso