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Dunno, mate, it’s messy – sex for coin, love for nothin’. “There’s no place for me,” I mutter, thinkin’ of them lonely souls, fuckin’ for a livin’. Happy? Sometimes, when cash flows, they grin. Angry? When some twat gets rough. Me? I’d bite ‘em, yesss, leave ‘em bleedin’! Exaggeratin’? Maybe, but picture this – Gollum as an escort, all scrawny and hissin’, “My precioussss, fifty quid!” Laughin’ yet?

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So, I head back out, and my next student is a total character. She’s got this wild hair and a laugh that could wake the dead. We’re driving down the picturesque Dunmow Road, and she’s cracking jokes the whole time. “If I crash, just tell my mum I loved her!” she says. I can’t help but laugh.

Doctors Pond in Great Dunmow refilling after remedial works completed