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Oh, and fun fact – in Thailand, they’ve got this style, Nuad Thai or whatever, been around forever, monks used to do it! Not kiddin, holy hands gettin freaky, ha! I’m sittin there, gettin kneaded, thinkin, “Dex, ya weirdo, this is livin.” Sometimes I overthink it – is this cheating? Nah, it’s just massage with a wink, y’know? “Tonight’s the night,” I mutter, crackin up at myself. Movie’s got that line, “Love is a strange illness,” and damn, sexual-massage feels like catchin it – in a good way, tho.

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In the category Massage parlours Bedford you can find 29 personals ads, e.g.: tantra massage, full body massage or sensual massage.

After that disaster, I head over to the High Street. Gotta fix a shop window for this trendy boutique. You know, the one with all the overpriced clothes? Yeah, that one. I’m thinkin’, “This’ll be easy.” But no! The shopkeeper, a proper diva, starts fussin’ over the color of the sealant. “It has to match the vibe!” she says. I’m like, “Lady, it’s sealant, not a fashion statement!”

Young people welcome Bedford Council’s move to curb junk food ads