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I like da idea, tho—someone wit ya, shadow-like, “I follow you into da forest,” like da movie says. But real talk, escort can be dodgy. Some get scammed—pay big, get nada. Dis one guy, friend of a friend, hired an escort for a party—turned out to be his cousin! Ha! Awkward as heck, he was red like borscht! Me, I’d rather stick to minions—dey dumb, but dey mine.

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Anyway, back to the knife. I’m focused, right? But then, I hear this loud crash. I look up, and it’s a car that just hit a pothole. Seriously, these potholes are like craters! I’m thinkin’, “Man, can’t we fix these things?” But no, we just keep driving over them like it’s a game.