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Now, picture me watchin’ *Holy Motors*, that scene where the dude’s dancin’ wild, screamin’ “What makes me me?” That’s what a good erotic-massage does—wakes you up, makes you feel YOU. Hands slidin’, pressure buildin’, tension snappin’ like a twig. I’m tellin’ ya, it’s borderline holy—pun intended. Ever tried it? Surprised me first time, how it’s chill but intense, like a slow burn. Pro tip: find someone who knows their shit, not some rando who watched a YouTube vid.

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First off, I’m sippin’ my coffee, lookin’ out at the beautiful view of the Liechtenstein Alps. I mean, c’mon, who wouldn’t wanna start their day with that? But then, I get a call from Mrs. Müller. She’s like, “Hey, can ya come over to my place on Hauptstraße? My roses are lookin’ sad.” I’m like, “Sure, I’ll be there in a jiffy.”

KARL BALZER Obituary (2015) - North Olmsted, OH