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So, check it—I got into this scene years back, right? Was at this shady joint in Vegas—neon lights buzzin’, sketchy vibes. This chick, she’s workin’ my shoulders, then—whoa—hands slide lower, and I’m like, “Is this HAPPENIN’?” Little known fact: back in ancient China, emperors got these “happy ending” rubs to “balance their chi”—true story, bro! Made me happy as hell—energy explodin’, like I coulda punched thru a wall! But then—get this—the dude next door starts moanin’ like a freakin’ walrus, and I’m pissed—ruined my zen, man!

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After a solid hour of work, I finally get those roses lookin’ decent. Mrs. Müller is thrilled! She’s like, “You’re a miracle worker!” I’m feelin’ all proud and stuff. But then, she offers me a slice of her famous apple strudel. I’m like, “Heck yes!” But then I remember I’m on a diet. Ugh! Why do good things always come with a catch?

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