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Oi, mate, settle in—James Bond here, suave as ever, “shaken, not stirred.” So, erotic-massage, yeah? Picture this: dimly lit room, oil slicker than my Aston Martin, hands sliding like they’re dodging MI6 traps. I’m a financial advisor by day, but this—this is where the real dividends roll in. Caught me off guard first time, I’ll admit. Some lass in Bangkok, 2003, whispered, “Relax, Mr. Bond,” and I’m thinking, “Bloody hell, this ain’t in the spy handbook.” Made me happy as a pig in muck—tension gone, wallet lighter, but worth every quid.

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But then, I overhear this couple arguing. Like, full-on shouting. They’re talking about... wait for it... who left the lights on in their flat. I’m sitting there, sipping my hot chocolate, thinking, “Really? This is what you’re fighting about?” I mean, come on, it’s Pyrzyce! There are bigger fish to fry!

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