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Little secret, doc? Some apps track yer kinks. Yeah, creepy but true! They know if ya like leather or feet. Surprised me, I was like, “What’s good, tech overlords?” Still, it’s handy—matches ya quick. I’m over here dreamin’ of a ranch hookup. “This is a goddamn bitch of an unsatisfactory situation,” I mutter when it flops.

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But then, I get a call. My buddy’s in trouble. He’s stuck on ul. Lechitów with a broken-down van. I rush over, thinking, “This better not ruin my day.” I get there, and it’s worse than I thought. The van’s like a dinosaur, just sitting there, lifeless.