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Surprised me, though, she got a tat—tiny rose on her wrist. Real pretty, made me soft for a sec. Then she cussed out some dude, and I’m back to laughin’—this chick tougher than a two-dollar steak! “How do you kill what’s already dead?!”—that’s her, struttin’ like she own the block. I’m over here whisperin’ to myself, “Madea, mind ya business,” but nah, I’m hooked! She a hot mess, but she real—Halleluyer!

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First off, I hit up the local café on Commerce St. You know, the one with the best flat whites? I’m standing in line, and this dude in front of me orders, like, a 10-ingredient smoothie. I’m just trying to get my caffeine fix, and this guy’s over here making a science project. I’m like, “Bro, it’s 8 AM, not a health convention!”

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