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Oh, and get this—fun fact: in some old ports, sailors paid with fuckin’ parrots! Can ya imagine? “Here’s a bird, babe, let’s roll!” I’d lose my shit if she asked for my socket set instead of cash. Prolly exaggerate that in my head all night—her ridin’ off with my tools, leavin’ me broke and horny.

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First off, I had a client scheduled at Taradale High School. This kid, let’s call him Jake, is a total legend on the rugby field. But man, he’s got the nerves of a cat in a room full of rocking chairs. I’m talking major anxiety. So, I’m cruising down Puketapu Road, feeling all pumped, and then BAM! Roadworks. Like, seriously? It’s 2023, can’t they figure this out? I’m stuck there, fuming, thinking about how I’m gonna be late.

Maddison Trophy epic as Tech score try in 82nd minute to beat Taradale