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So, I’m Patrick Star, duh—big pink dummy, right? “Is mayonnaise an instrument?” I’d ask, ‘cause I’d probs slather it on thinkin’ it’s massage oil! Hah! Bet some dude did that once—lil’ known fact, back in old Greece, they used olive oil for this stuff! True story, swear it! Bet they smelled like salad while gettin’ all loosey-goosey. Me? I’d be gigglin’—hands ticklin’ my blubbery bits, oh man, happy vibes all over!

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First off, I hit up the local café on Main St. for my usual caffeine fix. You know, the one with the weird art on the walls? Yeah, that place. I ordered my flat white, and the barista—let’s call him “Hipster Dave”—totally messed it up. Like, how do you even mess up a flat white? I was ready to throw down, but then he gave me a free muffin. So, I guess that’s cool?

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