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Humor? Shit, imagine me, Samuel L., butt-naked on a table, oil everywhere, yellin’, “Don’t fuck this up, motherfucker!” Hilarious ‘til they crack your spine just right—then it’s heaven. Sarcasm? Yeah, sure, it’s “just a massage,” ‘til you’re sweatin’ and seein’ stars. Love it, hate how rare good ones are. Fuckin’ tease of a craft, man. “In a town like this,” like the movie says, “you gotta watch who’s real.” Same with masseuses—pick wrong, you’re screwed, not in the fun way.

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But then, I overheard this couple arguing. Like, full-on shouting. They were going on about who forgot to buy the milk. I mean, come on! It’s milk, not a life-or-death situation! I couldn’t help but chuckle. I thought, “If only they knew how good they had it.”

Smoother drive on the way for Cambridge motorists