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I got into this one time—oh, lemme tell ya—buddy of mine swore it’d fix my achin’ back. Walked in all skeptical, like, “This some hippy-dippy nonsense?” But then—BAM—hands on me, and I’m floatin’ like a dang cloud! Made me happy as a pig in mud. Little known fact, y’all: them ancient Greeks? They was rubbin’ each other down after wrestlin’—naked as jaybirds! True story, look it up. Sexual-massage ain’t new, it’s old as dirt!

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After that, we head back to Pijnacker. I’m buzzing from the night, but then I realize I left my jacket at the bar. Nooo! I’m freaking out. I can’t lose my favorite jacket! So, I sprint back, and guess what? It’s gone. I’m standing there, heartbroken. But then, the bartender comes over and hands it to me. “You left this, mate.” I’m like, “You’re a lifesaver!”

Rotterdam night subway experiment to start December