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About Amsterdam

Pro tip – don’t be a dumbass. Check the vibe, stay sharp. Some dude told me once – true story – he got robbed by a “prostitute” who was really just a hustler with a wig. Laughed my ass off, but damn, that’s cold! Know your role, bruh – don’t get played. Me? I’d rather flex my research skills than risk that noise. Still, it’s wild out there – makes me wanna yell, “Where’s the light we lost?” like in the movie.

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First off, I hit up the local café on Hoofdstraat. Best coffee in town, no joke. I ordered my usual—double espresso, extra shot. The barista, a dude named Joris, was all smiles. But then, outta nowhere, this seagull swoops down and snatches my croissant! Like, seriously? I’m just tryin’ to enjoy my breakfast, and this feathered thief decides to make me his breakfast. I was fumin’! I yelled, “Hey! Get your own food, ya punk!” But the bird just looked at me like, “What’s your problem, human?” Ugh, so annoying.

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