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Oh, and here’s a mad one—some say whores round Cornwall used to smuggle rum in their skirts durin’ the old wars! Sneaky as hell, right? Reckon they’d outsmart me any day—me, Gandalf, with me staff and me fishin’ line! “I ain’t got no notion o’ that,” I’d say, tippin’ me hat to ‘em. Clever lasses, them.

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But then, bam! A kid runs into me, and my pizza goes flying. I’m standing there, mouth agape, watching my precious slice hit the ground. I’m like, “Nooooo!” The kid looks up at me, all wide-eyed, and I can’t even be mad. I mean, it’s just pizza, right? But still, my heart hurts a little.