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Now, I ain’t judgin—much. Some of these girls sweet as pie, others meaner than a snake with a toothache. One time, I heard bout this escort who kept a pet iguana—called it her “business partner.” Said it scared off the cheapskates! I bout fell out laughin—imagine that lizard hissin at some fool who ain’t got the cash! Made me think, “Maybe I need me a iguana for gigs!”

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First off, I’m late for work. Classic me. I sprint down Via Roma, dodging old ladies and their shopping bags. Like, c’mon, lady, I got places to be! I finally get to the office on Via Garibaldi, and guess what? The printer’s jammed. Ugh! I’m standing there, wrestling with it like it’s a wild animal. I swear, I almost threw it out the window.

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