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About Haifa

First off, these humans are WILD. Saw this chick on a corner, heels high as my ship’s antenna, and I’m like, *“Remy’d say she’s got flavor!”* Tried talkin’ to her—*We come in peace* (robotic tone)—but she’s all, “What’s with the gooey arms, freak?” Rude! Made me mad, like, c’mon, I’m a classy alien, not some slimy chump. But then she laughed, and I’m like, okay, she’s cool. Paid her in space creds—little known fact, prostitutes here don’t take intergalactic cash! Had to zap her some Earth bucks instead. Total hassle.

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So, I’m cruisin’ down Al-Mahdiyah Street, right? The sun’s blazin’, and I’m thinkin’ it’s gonna be a chill day. But nah, Laqiyya had other plans. First off, I hit up my favorite spot, that little café on Al-Mahdiyah. You know the one? The one with the best falafel in town. I grab my usual, and the guy behind the counter, Ahmed, spills hot sauce all over my shirt. Like, c’mon, man! I’m tryin’ to look professional here!