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About Naples

So I hit this dive bar, stinks like vodka and regret. This chick, Natasha—fake name, obvi—comes up, all hips and smirks. “You want fun, da?” I’m like, hell yea, but I ain’t payin upfront, no way! She rolls her eyes, but I’m Eric fuckin Cartman—I don’t budge! “Respect my authoritah!” I yell in my head. She’s hot, tho—makes me happy, like, damn, Russia’s got game! Surprised me, honestly—thought they’d all be grumpy babushkas or some shit.

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After that, I strolled down to the Parco della Rimembranza. It’s this beautiful park, right? Trees everywhere, people chilling, kids playing. I was feeling all zen until I saw this group of teenagers blasting music. Like, really? It’s a park, not a rave! I wanted to tell them to turn it down, but then I thought, “Hey, let them live.” So I just sat on a bench, trying to enjoy the chaos.

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