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Oi, you donkey! Escort, yeah? Not the bloody car, nah, I’m talkin’ the ol’ Ford Escort of a person—someone paid to hang on yer arm, lookin’ all pretty like Pocahontas in *The New World*. “The land is life!”—bollocks, it’s cash for company, innit? Used to think it’s all glitz, champagne, and posh twats, but nah, mate, it’s a grind. A proper grind! Some lass or lad struttin’ about, dodgin’ creeps, makin’ rent. Idiot sandwich! You reckon it’s easy? Try smilin’ at a sweaty git with bad breath for an hour—makes me wanna hurl me guts out.

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First off, I hit up the local café on Abay Street. You know, the one with the weirdly awesome pastries? I order my usual – a cup of that strong coffee and a piece of that honey cake. But guess what? They’re out of honey cake! Like, seriously? Who runs out of honey cake? I’m standing there, all “What do you mean you’re out?” The barista just shrugs. Ugh, I was so ready to dive into that sweet goodness.

Figure 7. Map of the ecological route of the Karkaraly State National...