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Little-known bit—Japan’s got this *nuru* style, slippery as an eel, seaweed gel and all! Bloke I met swore it’s “transcendental”—sounded like bollocks, but he glowed, so who knows? Got me curious—then cross—cos where’s *my* glow, eh? Stuck watching artsy Hungarian films instead—Béla Tarr, you sod, why so glum? “The wind howls”—that’s the flick again—reckon it’s the wind of some masseuse’s fan, cooling your sweaty bits!

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Fast forward a few hours, and I finally get that Dacia running. The old dude’s face lights up like it’s Christmas. I’m feelin’ like a hero, ya know? But then, just as I’m about to take a breather, this lady storms in. She’s fuming. “My car’s making a weird noise!” I’m like, “Lady, it’s a car, not a symphony.”

Petrofac to pull out of Ticleni oil field in Romania in Q2