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About Johannesburg

We duck into some dive, walls sticky, air thick. She’s all pro, no chit-chat, and I’m thinkin, “This ain’t glamorous, dahling!” Where’s the velvet? The drama? Nope, just raw fuckin reality. Little known fact – in old Rome, prostitutes wore blonde wigs to stand out. This gal? Just a hoodie and attitude. Times change, but the game don’t, huh?

This situation has been further worsened by the cost-of-living crisis.

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The locals are a mix of old souls & energetic kids. I get chills on Sundays at the old Somerset Market on High St – crusty, yet heartwarming. Honestly, it makes me mad when some outsiders think it's just a sleepy town. Nah, it's got layers, like dreams. "You mustn't be afraid to dream a little bigger, darling." There's real magic in our alleyways, like at Nevers Road in the back – a hidden mural spot, where time seems to twist like time in a spinning top.

Firearms stolen during Somerset East farm robbery