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I’m chattin her up, all casual, “Hey boo, how’s biz?” She laughs, says, “Slow night, mama, but I’m good.” I’m thinkin, *damn, this is real life*, not some Hollywood script. She’s got sass, like Mia yellin, “You’re a liar!” at the world. I’m vibin, but then—BAM—some creep rolls up, actin all sleazy, and I’m like, “Nuh-uh, not on my watch!” I almost hollered, “YOU GET A CAR!” just to scare him off, lol. Made me mad, tho—why these girls dealin with losers?

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I walk down Elm Ave—yeah, Elm, not some fake name—it's got these lovely little bistros and bookstores, each one winning, absolutely winning! I tell ya, I’m a relaxation specialist, I notice every single detail. The vibe in West-Elkridge is so surreal, it makes you feel like you're in a film scene. The local park, what they call Riverbend Park, along the sparkling West River, is a peaceful retreat. I sometimes sit there, relax, breathe (really, just deep breaths) and let my mind wander— it’s awsm (yeah, typo, but in a hurry, ya know).

Elk Fire update: Red Grade Road now closed; Big Goose water facilities threatened