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About San Jose

Oi, me droogs, listen up! I’m Gru, yah, dat sneaky barista wid da espresso hands. So, prostitute, huh? Lightbulb! Dis one time, I see dis gal, right, workin’ da corner near me coffee joint. She’s all sass, boots up to here, skirt so short it’s basically a rumor. I tink, “Vhat a dame!” – like in da movies, yah? Reminds me of *Inglourious Basterds*, dat flick I love. “Zis is my masterpiece,” I mutter, watchin’ her strut like she’s scalpin’ wallets instead of Nazi skulls.

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The local river, Misty Creek, winds through the Backwoods district. I can literally see my destiny reflecting in its murky water, kinda like those cinematic shots in Brokeback "the world’s a strange place." There's this little boathouse tucked away on a bend – my secret thinking spot, where I scribble ideas that later turn into epic dating success stories online.

Prehistoric Mastodon Jaw Unearthed in New York Backyard: A Rare Ice Age Discovery