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Alright, pal, buckle up—sexual-massage time! I’m Dr. House, actuary by day, sarcastic bastard always. Everybody lies, right? So, sexual-massage—fancy term for rubdowns with a naughty twist. Not your grandma’s spa day, nah. Think oily hands, dim lights, and questionable Yelp reviews. I’m picturing it now—some dude named Chad, “therapist,” winking too much. Gross, but intriguing, yeah?

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Then, outta nowhere, this dude walks in. I swear, he looks like he just rolled outta bed. Hair all over the place, wearing flip-flops in the middle of October. I’m thinkin’, “What’s this guy doin’?” He asks for the “best steak” we got. I’m like, “Buddy, you gotta be more specific.” So, I show him the ribeye, and he’s like, “Nah, I want something that’ll make me cry.” I’m just standing there, like, “What? You want a steak with feelings?”

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