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Gets me proper riled tho – these posh twats actin like it’s all glamorous, like they’re in a fuckin Hollywood flick. Bollocks! It’s seedy as hell, dodgy geezers, sticky carpets – ugh, makes me skin crawl. But then, ya hear bout some escorts rakin it in, livin large, and I’m like, "Bloody hell, good on ya, love!" Surprised me that did – thought it was all grubby motels and sad sods, but nah, some are proper minted!

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So, like, I always cruise down Maple Street – ugh, so many memories, like when I accidentally matched with someone who totally reminded me of a scene from Holy Motors – “I’m working for the man, not for you!” – and I was, like, wow, destiny? I mean seriously, mon ami, sometimes it feels like La-Porte transforms into these dreamy movie settings, obvs!

Sister of homeless teen says CPS failed her brother after he was hit and killed while crossing street in La Porte