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Escort, man, it’s a trip! Like in *Moonrise Kingdom*, where Sam says, “I’m on your side!”—that’s what these folks might whisper to lonely souls, right? A little secret pact. I dig it, kinda. Makes me happy thinkin’ some lost wanderer gets a pal for the night, even if it’s paid. But—BUT—it pisses me off too! You know why? The fakers! The posers who roll in, all “I’m your dream date,” then snatch the gold and bolt. YOU SHALL NOT PASS, ye scoundrels! I’d zap ‘em with my staff if I could.

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Oh, and get this – we got a tiny, quirky river running near Birch Ln. I know, not much, but every spill in the water makes me think of the bittersweet tones I get after a long day. Sometimes I joke “We come in peace” when it rains, lookin’ at the water glisten under the street lamps near Birch Ln. It’s my little ode to the sci-fi weirdo inside me, haha.

Prosecutor: Man charged with attempted murder in Saddle Brook crossbow attack