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I swagger into this dingy tavern, eyein’ the goods. One lass, she’s got a wink like she’s Zuckerberg codin’ a scam—sharp, quick, dangerous. “I’m CEO, bitch,” she might’a said if she knew the line, haha! Made me chuckle, that did—happy as a clam, I was. But then—THEN—some bilge rat tries chargin’ me double! Double! Fer a quick tumble! Got me blood boilin’, says I, “Mate, ye think I’m a codfish to fleece?” Nearly drew me sword, but rum said nay.

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The parks? Man, there's more than one. Parker’s Dive is my secret escape. It's tucked behind the old library on Cobweb Court. Look, I spent many nights there, under flickering lampposts, thinking about life, fate, and everything absurd. Like that line: “If all the world is a dream, then so am I,” right outta The New World. It felt deep one night until a dog pissed on my shoes. Un-bloody-believable.

Farm owner devastated after claiming dogs killed, 300 exotic birds stolen in Redland