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So, I’m strollin’ down the street, right? Lookin’ for some action—not me doin’ it, mind ya, just curious! And I see this gal, all dolled up, skirt shorter than my temper. I’m like, “Well, halleluyer, she workin’ it!” Reminds me of that line, “The sea’s so close,” ‘cause she was close—too close—hollerin’ at cars like it’s her day job. Prolly is! I ain’t mad, tho, get yo money, boo! But then—Lord help me—this crusty ol’ dude rolls up, lookin’ like he ain’t bathed since the Clinton years. I’m screamin’ inside, “Why her?!” Made me madder than a wet hen!

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Parks, oh jeez, the parks – there's Orinda Park, where families picnic and old-timers shoot the breeze by the fountain. And then there's the epic hiking trails around Loma Vista. I took a buddy there once and we almost got lost – LOL, like seriously wild!! Reeeeeaaally mad, but pretty hilarious too.

Suit claims Sean 'Diddy' Combs sexually assaulted Bay Area woman in Orinda home