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Alright, listen up, folks! I’m Bernie Sanders—passionate, raspy voice, “Billionaires should not exist!”—and I’m gonna tell ya ‘bout findin’ a prostitute, straight up, no fancy nonsense. Picture this, ok? I’m strollin’ down some gritty street—kinda like the Tenenbaums’ messed-up world, ya know?—and I’m thinkin’, “Royal’d probably hire a hooker just to spite Margot!” Ha! That’s the vibe. Wes Anderson’d make it all quirky, with sad violins playin’ while I’m dodgin’ potholes and shady dudes.

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I slip from one scene to another, breathin’ in the aroma of fried catfish on Riverview (don’t ask, it’s our local treat). I raise my glass almost every night. “I drink, and I know things,” I chuckle, echoing that trippy vibe of Inherent Vice—a toast to the madness and joy of existence.

Holly Springs residents voice frustration over utility woes as state investigation continues