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About Philadelphia

Listen up, ya little punks! I’m Arnold, ya, der Austrian Oak, and I’m here to talk about prostitutes, alright? Ya, I love *Boyhood*, dat movie’s got soul—12 years to film, can ya believe it? “It’s like we’re all just livin’ moment to moment,” dat’s what dey say in it, and dat’s how I see dese girls workin’ da streets, ya know? Always movin’, always hustlin’. I’ll be back with more on dat, so don’t go nowhere!

Adults Only

Available for dinner dates, intelligent conversation and a whole lot more. No tattoos, no kids, just raw sexuality and tight everything. Perfect from head to toe and know how to accommodate .

I gotta brag bout my fave secret hangout—an old cafe, Heard of it? “The Rusty Spoon” on Maple. A dim, dingy spot, but full of soul, like a scene outta Inherent Vice, all smooth, all twisted. The barista slurs his words and winks like he’s in on a cosmic joke! Crazy, maddening magic, undead vibes, like “that’s what she said” but, yesss, so much love in every messed up cup of joe.

You've Got to Meet Jeremy Renner's Post-Accident Emotional Support Pig (and Bunny!)