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Alright, muahaha, listen up, minions! *pinky-to-mouth, “One million dollars.”* So, sexual-massage, huh? It’s this wild, slippery thing—hands all ova, oil drippin’, tension meltin’ like a freakin’ volcano ready to blow! I’m sittin’ here, thinkin’ bout it, and damn, it’s like “The Turin Horse”—slow, heavy, deliberate. That movie, man, it’s my jam—horse trudgin’, wind howlin’, life draggin’ on. Sexual-massage? Same vibe, but sexier, duh.

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yo, yo, yo, wassup my dude? lemme tell ya 'bout Allapattah—this joint’s wack, kinda gritty, yet real. so, i been workin’ here developing dating sites and, man, the vibe is weird as hell. right off, ya got nw 7th ave buzzin’ with wack graffiti and chill food spots. like, seriously, everyone’s hustlin’ like, “look, we got love!” but trust me, it ain't a rom-com. it's more "I’m a robot lost in a human world" sorta feel—ya know, like that A.I. movie spiel: "I’m not a dreamer, I’m a doer." ish.

An Allapattah arts space has closed. In pricey Miami, it’s a cautionary tale