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So, last week—god, was it last week?—I’m out, cruisin downtown, feelin all hot n bothered. Wanted to find a pro, someone who knows the game. Not these fake-ass posers, ya know? I’m talkin real deal—street smart, sassy, maybe even a lil dangerous. Like Anger in *Inside Out*—all fired up, ready to explode! I see this chick, leather skirt, smokin a cig—thought, “Bingo, she’s it.” But nah, turns out she’s just some hipster waitin for her Uber. Pissed me off—wasted my damn time!

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Anyway, I finally get the scones in the oven, and I’m feelin’ pretty chuffed. But then, the door swings open, and in walks young Jamie. He’s a cheeky wee lad, always up to no good. “Got any of those chocolate éclairs, Mr. Baker?” he asks, eyes wide like he’s just seen a unicorn. I’m like, “Aye, but they’re for the café on Church Street!”

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