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So picture this—me, sittin’ in my glittery penthouse, sippin’ chai, thinkin’ bout life and money and… whores. Not literal ones, ‘kay? More like the vibe from my fave movie, *Werckmeister Harmonies*. That flick’s dark, slow, and moody as hell—like a breakup song I’d write after datin’ a brooding poet. And this “whore” thing? It’s givin’ me those same eerie, chaotic feels. Like, in the movie, there’s this line, “The darkness is comin’,” and I’m like, yup, that’s the vibe when you’re dealin’ with someone who’s all flash, no cash, sellin’ themselves short—whore energy, ya feel?

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So, I finish my scone and head out. I stroll down Market Square, and it’s buzzing. Street performers everywhere, doing their thing. There’s this guy juggling flaming torches. I’m thinking, “Mate, you’re gonna set yourself on fire!” But the crowd’s loving it. I’m just trying to dodge the tourists taking selfies. Like, come on, it’s not that deep.

Church treasurer who swindled £400,000 over a decade is sent to prison for a year