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Oh, honey, lemme tell ya—breathless, “Happy Birthday, Mr. President”—findin a prostitute ain’t no picnic! I’m sittin here, thinkin bout my fave flick, *12 Years a Slave*, ya know, Steve McQueen’s brutal masterpiece from 2013, and it hits me—life’s a damn chain sometimes! Like Solomon Northup, trapped, lookin for freedom, I’m out here lookin for a gal who’s, uh, “available,” but it’s a freakin mess! Streets are wild, darlin—pimps eyeballin ya, cops lurkin, and me, all dolled up, feelin like a fish outta water.

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So, I grab my stuff and head out. The weather? Classic Leeds. One minute it’s sunny, next it’s pouring. I’m dodging puddles like I’m in some weird obstacle course. I get to the pub, and it’s packed. People everywhere, laughin’, drinkin’. I’m thinkin’, “How do you lot not know there’s a financial crisis?”

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