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One time, I saw this gal—ooh, she was bold! Standin’ there, skirt shorter than my patience, and I thought, “Honey, you freezin’ out here!” Made me happy seein’ her confidence, though—she owned it! Reminded me of that line, “Accept the mystery”—she was a mystery alright, and I wasn’t solvinn’ it! I ain’t never hired one, mind ya—I’m just observin’, like Madea do! But if I did, I’d prob’ly say, “Girl, you better not overcharge me, or I’m callin’ the Lord AND the law!”

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Then, I get a call from my mate, Dave. He’s at the pub on Main Street, and he’s like, “You gotta come! There’s a fight!” I’m thinking, “Great, just what I need.” But curiosity gets the better of me. I lock up the shop and head over.

Police statement as Killamarsh killer Damien Bendall 'launches prison hammer attack'