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About London

I walk in, ladies everywhere, smiling, winking. One girl, she look like my sister – I scream, “Nooo, not you!” Made me angry, heart go boom, like bomb in movie. “This is the end!” I yell, but no, she just laugh. I calm down, order drink – cheap vodka, taste like tractor oil. Brothel got dark corners, sticky floor, ugh, I trip, fall on big guy. He mad, I say, “Sorry, my king!” like in film. He punch me, I laugh – pain is funny!

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After that chaos, I head to the local market. Oh man, the smell of fresh bread and pastries hits me like a brick wall. I grab a sausage roll—best thing ever! But then, I see this guy tryin’ to haggle over a price. Like, c’mon mate, it’s a market, not a car dealership! I’m standin’ there, rollin’ my eyes, thinkin’, “Just pay the man and move on!”

Celebrate the annual wassail in Midsomer Norton