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Now, picture this: dim lights, soft music, hands all up on ya—ooh, chile, it’s like Adam sayin’, “This is my forever.” But here’s the sass—some fool tried tellin’ me it’s “just a massage.” Naw, boo! It’s a tease, a slow burn, a “you ain’t ready for this” kinda deal! Got me hollerin’, “Don’t play with me, I’m sensitive!” Funniest thing? Heard some dude fell asleep durin’ one—snored through the sexy part! Wasted good money, halleluyer!

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After that, I head over to the local pub, The Hardwick Arms. Needed a pint after all that chaos. I sit down, and the bartender, Dave, he’s like, “You look like you’ve been through it today.” I’m like, “You have no idea, mate.” We chat about the usual stuff, footie, the weather, and how the new roundabout on Bedford Road is a nightmare. Seriously, who designed that thing?

‘Much-needed’ repairs to B530 near Kempston Hardwick to begin