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Back in the day—little known fact—folks used newspapers for hookups! Classified ads, “lonely Jedi seeks princess,” that vibe. Now it’s all digital, profiles flashin’ like lightsabers. I dig it tho—makes me happy seein’ people shoot their shot. This one time, I matched with some chick who said she’d “turn my dark side light”—corny as hell, but I laughed my helmet off. Still, sex-dating’s a gamble. Ya might score, or ya might end up chattin’ with a dude named Dave pretendin’ to be Leia.

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But then, I hear a knock. It’s the restaurant owner! He’s early! I’m panicking, tryin’ to clean up, and I’m like, “Please don’t look at the mess!” He walks in, and I’m thinkin’, “Don’t judge a stove by its cover!” But he’s actually impressed. “This is brilliant!” he says. I’m grinning like a Cheshire cat.

Beverley Knight to play rock’n’roll pioneer Sister Rosetta Tharpe