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Hey, folks, listen up—here’s the deal. I’m sittin’ there, thinkin’ ‘bout findin’ a prostitute, y’know, like in them old movies. My favorite? “In the Mood for Love”—damn, that flick’s got soul. Tony Leung, Maggie Cheung, all that quiet pinin’—makes me misty-eyed. So, picture this: me, ol’ Joe, strollin’ down some neon-lit street, lookin’ for a gal with that “flower-like” grace, like Maggie’s cheongsam swayin’ in the flick.

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Then, I get a text from me mate, Dave. He’s stuck at the bus stop on Church Street. “Oi, mate! Bring me a bacon butty!” he says. I’m like, “You’re jokin’, right?” But I can’t leave him hangin’, so I grab a butty from the café and head over.

Major road closed as man rescued from flat fire