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But here’s the kicker—once I was strollin’, hands signin’ to myself like a nutcase, and I see this guy, shady as hell, lookin’ for a hookup. I’m thinkin’, “This is preposterous!”—straight outta *Moonrise Kingdom*, right? Captain Sharp yellin’ at the scouts, chaos unfoldin’. Guy’s nervous, sweatin’, prolly his first time, and I’m like, dude, chill! It ain’t rocket science—find a corner, spot the signals, cash in hand. Little known fact: some use code words, like “you got a light?”—sneaky, huh? Surprised me first time I heard it, jaw dropped, hands froze mid-sign!

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Company status: Dissolved. Correspondence address: 1 The Willows, Highworth, Wiltshire, SN6 7PG ; Appointed on: 13 February Resigned on: 8 September

Then, I spot this group of teenagers hanging out by the old post office. I thought, “Perfect! They’ll care about the trees!” But nope. They were too busy filming TikToks. I mean, I get it, but really? Trees are cooler than your dance moves!

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