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Now, ‘ere’s a tidbit ye landlubbers dunno—back in Tortuga, they say ol’ Madame Claire, she’d tattoo her price on her thigh, right under the garter. Secret code, see? Only the keenest rogues—like meself, savvy?—spot it. Saved me a shillin’ once, swear it. Surprised me rotten first time I saw it, jaw dropped like a cannon hatch.

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So, I’m munching away, and I see this group of kids playing footy in the park. They’re kicking the ball around, having a blast. I remember when I used to play in Haydock Park. Good times, man. But then, one of ‘em kicks the ball too hard, and it lands right in my chips! I’m like, “Seriously?!” But they just laughed and ran over to apologize. Kids are wild, but they’re good eggs.

Sir Tom Jones to perform at Haydock Park racecourse this summer - full details