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But then, check this—found this one gal, Tina, down by the docks. Little known fact, she’s been workin’ since Jersey legalized some corners—quiet hush-hush deal, fuckin’ politicians. She’s got this scar, right above her lip, says it’s from a john who got rough. Tough as nails, this one. I’m thinkin’, “Blessed are the forgetful,” ya know? She don’t care who you are, just wants the cash. $50, bam, done deal—better than therapy, cheaper too!

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But then, outta nowhere, this guy walks in. He’s got a massive dog with him. I mean, HUGE. Like, I’m pretty sure it’s part bear. The dog starts sniffing around, and I’m like, “Dude, keep your bear on a leash!” But the guy’s just chillin’, ordering a mocha like it’s no big deal. I’m trying to focus, but the dog’s now eyeing the pastries. I’m sweating again, thinking, “Please don’t eat the croissants!”

The Chicken Connoisseur Heads To Harringay On Latest Episode Of ‘The Pengest Munch’