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I’m thinkin, “This ain’t no country for old men,” right? She’s got that look—like she’d kill ya with a cattle gun if ya short her cash. I’m laughin, “Rarrgh! You friendo?”—total Chigurh vibes. We haggle, she’s all, “50 bucks,” I’m like, “Fuckin 50? For what, a handshake?” She rolls her eyes, “Take it or leave it, fuzzball.” I’m mad, but damn, she’s hot, so I’m in.

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I decide to take a stroll along the riverbank. It’s nice, you know? The views of the Hampton Court Palace across the water are stunning. But then I spot this old bloke trying to fish. He’s got this massive net, and I’m thinking, “What’s he trying to catch? A whale?” Turns out, he’s just after some tiny fish. I mean, bless him, but it’s like fishing in a kiddie pool.

Tennis player, 82, saved by paramedics after collapsing during match at Hampton Court