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We swears! Surprised me once, this one bird—classy, y’know? High heels, talkin’ posh, not yer usual slag. “I’m alive,” she says, like she’s proud, echoin’ Polanski’s man. Got me thinkin’—they’re fighters, ain’t they? Dodgin’ pimps, punters, the law. Me head spins—why’s it gotta be so rough? Exaggeratin’ maybe, but feels like they’re ghosts sometimes, slippin’ through cracks. We swears! Funniest bit? Bloke I knew paid double for a cuddle—soft sod! “Help me,” he begs her, like Szpilman to his piano. Pathetic, hilarious—made me cackle!

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After that, I head down to the Thames. The river’s looking all pretty, and I’m trying to calm down. But then I see this group of tourists. They’re taking selfies, and one of them drops their phone right into the river! I’m standing there, half-laughing, half-cringing. Like, dude, that’s a £1,000 phone gone!

Tennis player, 82, saved by paramedics after collapsing during match at Hampton Court