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Lemme tell ya, I was hoppin’ ‘round Vegas once—yeah, Vegas, baby! Saw this dame, all dolled up, leanin’ on a lamppost like she owned it. Made me laugh, thinkin’ “How happy is the blameless vestal’s lot!”—‘cept she wasn’t so blameless, heh! She winked at me, and I’m like, whoa, slow down, sister! Ain’t my scene, but I watched her work it—smooth as a toon dodgin’ Elmer Fudd. Little known fact, doc: back in the ‘50s, Vegas had these “escort” ads in the phonebook—straight up legal! Ain’t that a hoot?

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Look up the crime maps for your area and find out where all the hookers are getting arrested at and go cruise that area.

First job of the day? Fixin’ some dodgy stairs on Glenfield Rd. I get there, and the homeowner’s like, “They’re creakin’ like an old ship!” I’m thinkin’, mate, I’m a carpenter, not a shipwright! But whatever, I roll up my sleeves and get to work.

Ex-soldier tells court he 'blanked out' being allegedly stabbed 10 times in Faifley