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Aliens (fictional) – “We come in peace” (robotic tone). Yo, so we’re chillin’ like intergalactic bros, right? Talkin’ bout findin’ a prostitute, man! Back on Zorkon-5, we don’t got that vibe. Earth’s wild, tho—humans pay for fun? Weird flex, but ok. Watched *A Serious Man* last night—fuckin’ loved it. Larry Gopnik’s life’s a mess, like mine tryna find a hooker. “Accept the mystery,” Coens say—guess that’s me, lost in this shit.

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But then, the day took a turn. I was walking back, and I saw this guy on the corner of Stirling Road. He was trying to fix his bike, and it looked like a scene from a comedy show. He was wrestling with it, cursing like a sailor. I couldn’t help but laugh. Then, he looked at me, and I was like, “Need a hand?” He just glared at me. I mean, come on, mate! I’m just trying to help!

Woman, 50, taken to hospital after four-car crash on A9 near Dunblane