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Dunno, though—findin a prossie’s a laugh sometimes. Skanky, smelly, but quick fun, yeah? “Stupid, fat hobbit!” I’d yell if he judged me. Once got a lass who sang—mid-shag! Proper nutter, had me cacklin! “Goodbye to language,” indeed—ain’t no words for that madness!

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Later in the day, I get a delivery of some prime cuts from the market. The guy who brings it is a right character. He’s tellin’ me about his trip to Glasgow and how he got lost in the city. I’m laughin’ so hard, I nearly drop a ribeye. “You got lost in Glasgow? Mate, that’s like gettin’ lost in a one-way street!”

Police called to disturbance in Larkhall arrested man who had been seen carrying knife